Published on SwellWomen and AmeriCorps Literati Magazine
Tucked inside my head, I often hear the lamentations of someone much older than I.
Why are we standing at this party, when we could be sitting? Why would I spend my money to buy something new and brand name when I have an old one at home that would work just as well? How can some people flit through their day, unencumbered and unconcerned with the quality of their actions? When is the next time I’m going to eat? …Will it be soon, please?
I used to wish I could fit in with others seamlessly. Wished I felt the same as everyone else. Wished I looked like everyone else. Wished to laugh at the same things as everyone else. But now, I realize:
Mainstream? That’s just not me.
Old souls view the world in a different way than those around them — and it’s quite obvious in the way we act. From our starry eyes to our quirky mannerisms, we seek to defy the expectations others place on our age, ethnicity, cultural and social standing. Old souls are unyielding in the face of cultural zeitgeist and filled with wild surmises. Old souls unapologetically flout convention and bulldoze their own path in the world; fitful, sometimes forgetful, but always full of life.
Social situations can be overwhelming to old souls, who too often feel like an outsider, looking in. I much prefer affectionate conversation with close friends than pushing against strangers in shadowed, sticky bars. Give me connection and reciprocity over contrite formalities any day. Just as we appreciate solitude, we thrive in community — and how could we not? The people around us come in endless variety, which makes life endlessly fascinating. The wiring of the human mind is a extraordinary thing, capable of producing infinite, unique, self-contained thoughts. Everything that happens, quite literally, never ever ever ever happened before. That’s why old souls are often found on the fringes, simply wishing to observe human behavior (rather than usurping the limelight for themselves). This aspect of humanity, this kaleidoscope, becomes our muse and we often find ourselves backpedaling in order to fully grasp the significance and uniqueness of it all.
I don’t mind spending time alone. There is nothing more mollifying than the wrap of my couch’s embrace or sitting in the warmest bath that my apartment’s old pipes could muster. Sometimes, it is exhausting relating to others and we desire to retreat, recharge, refill our cup and imbibe the present moment.
To old souls, something churns the earth and something stirs the sky. We don’t accept the world at its superficial level, instead preferring to dissect situations until we glimpse and grasp at the very essence of it. We wish to understand the abstract; we seek to understand the forces that drive our lives. There’s something beautiful about deconstruction and simplification, about manifesting emotions by labeling and naming them. Refinement through intricacy. Subjectiveness through objectification. This helps us to find even a semblance of order among this cosmic madness… but yes, it does seem a bit backwards when written down.
I guess there are some things that just aren’t meant to be understood, after all.
Old souls are nothing without their lofty ambitions. We reach and we stretch, higher and higher, knowing very well that our own ever-shifting goals will always lie just out of reach. It brushes against our fingertips, teasing us much in the manner of a mechanical rabbit to the greyhound. Like the racing dogs, enticed into an instinctive pursuit, our spirits are just too big for our bodies and we yearn for too much. Old souls often seem to be advanced for their age and speak sage wisdoms of someone much older than them, often with an untested sense of bravado. It’s this type of intuition that gives old souls their magic. We are unafraid to love, to teach, to learn and to work.
Correction: and to work, hard.
But, if I can be quite honest with you, that’s how we prefer it. Nothing worth having comes for free – literally and figuratively. We want to earn what we have and feel a sense of pride in our achievements. We’re honest in that kind of way: unable to lie to others and clearly unable to lie to ourselves. Old souls are unabashed in the face of their own truths and brandish our individuality proudly.
The term old soul originally referred to a person who had been reincarnated many times. It is said that these individuals have the wisdom gained from many lifetimes on this earth (not all of them human). They are caught between a number and state of mind that just seem…. disjointed. It would make sense that an old soul’s individuality would be fashioned from this eternal wisdom, coupled with their constant seeking of new information. No matter your spiritual beliefs, it could explain a lot.
If you look around you, I bet you can find an old soul, rooting around for eye contact and waiting to be understood.
Perhaps that person is you.
