“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.” — Ellen Burstyn
Being alone. For some people, this is their worst fear — worse than heights, worse than spiders, worse than darkness. While some people loathe even the idea of being alone, some welcome it, and some toe the line of a love/hate relationship with it. I’m willing to bet that you know exactly where you fall on that spectrum, because our comfort level with solitude is something that strikes us in the gut and is impossible to ignore.
Think for a moment: are you an extrovert who loves to be around people we know, or an introvert who appreciate a solo existence? Do you thrive in loneliness, or do you wilt? Do you seek solitude, or do you steer clear of situations where we’ll be alone? If we look at how we face our every day living situations, such the area we call home and our workplace of choice, it becomes abundantly clear.
It’s not always up to us, though. If we have to move to a new city for family or a job (or for choice and opportunity), we then find ourselves in a particularly trying solo situation. When you move to a new city, you’re stepping into an entirely different subculture, with few friends to hold you up, if any at all. You might feel vulnerable and uncertain of yourself in the face of so many people to meet and impress. Moving to a new city an incredibly humbling experience, which levels every single person by removing them from the context and relationships they accrued in their old homestead. It’s daunting, but nothing stays new forever.
Learning to navigate and love a new city, even if you don’t know a single soul, is not an impossible task. As with everything else, mindset comes into play here. If you see yourself as a victim, and that your move was something that happened to you — rather than an opportunist with the chance to build something amazing — it will certainly be a grueling process. There are many lessons that can be found in the process of learning a new city, and while most aren’t very comfortable, uncovering and mastering them is essential to being a well-rounded professional, traveler and person.
Trust that everything will work out in time (it always does), but the following steps will make the process a little easier and a lot more fun.
“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” — Henry Rollins
Make a Mental Map
It’s easy to cycle between work and your home and never visit any other place. Once you’ve discovered Netflix binging, always being at home can become a habit that is difficult to break. It’s great if going to the grocery store and utilizing mass transit is enough to fill your cup, but challenge yourself to go outside your usual established haunts and see something new. You don’t have to have a destination in mind, just simply let your feet wander and see what you come across! You can create a mental map of your new city in this way and learn all of your new favorite places, and you don’t need a partner to enjoy the process. As long as you remain safe, you can be on the fast-track of feeling at home where you once felt like a stranger.
Get Fit, Find Your People
There’s an old adage that says you should have three hobbies: one that makes you money, one to be creative and one that keeps you fit. Focusing on the last one specifically, gyms are a natural gathering place for people interested in working on themselves while being around other people. Work out classes and sports teams also serve this purpose — endorphins are running high and you’re all sharing a common experience. Acknowledge a person’s cool workout outfit, or share a funny anecdote with your soccer team, and you’ve created a new connection that will make you feel less foreign.
Start Something Cool
I’ve heard stories of people who enter a new city or job and intelligently use their newness to their advantage. Instead of hanging out in the background, they decided to shine with all eyes on them and start a new tradition! The story always seems to go like this: the new person asks a person they don’t know (or several people that they don’t know) to get food, or a drink together. The new person requests that each person brings a friend, and the gathering doubles in size. Over time, in the same way, it triples and quadruples — and eventually, your simple meal or after-work drink is a veritable party! Plan these get-togethers with some consistency and you will find that it will attract a wide group of people, and you’ll probably get along nicely with the establishment’s owner. Now you’re not “the new guy,” you’re “the cool guy who started the new happy hour trend!”
Insist on Co-Working
Even if you have a job which provides you with office space, coworking is a great option for professionals to get themselves out of their usual four walls. Most big cities have at least one coworking space which can be found online and provide your creatives with the chance to meet each other, work together and inspire one another. It’s a more formal version of working at the local coffee shop, with a mission and identity that serves to connect and bind people together. Share your talents in this way and you’re bound to meet the dazzling young stars of each city — and potentially make a big name for yourself! The costs for coworking space tend to be reasonable, but if you work for a company that supports you getting a change of scenery, it’s possible that they might cover this expense.
Give Back to the Community
Nothing brings people together like charity work. People become passionate about their causes and hold their organizations very close to their heart, as a part of their identity — and when they find people who believe as strongly as they do, they hold fast to them. It’s easy to find organizations online and subscribe to their mailing lists, or email them to see if they need anything done, or have any events coming up. Volunteer opportunities that require manual labor are especially bonding, as you get dirty and solve problems with likeminded people. If anything, volunteering will give you a purpose and something to believe in, and if that doesn’t make you feel at home, then I don’t know what will!
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” — Wayne Dyer
