It doesn’t matter if you are new to a place, a solo traveler or someone who simply thrives on discomfort — eating alone can spark some polarizing feelings. I’ve heard people swear that they wouldn’t be caught dead in a restaurant alone, and I’ve also met some people who felt enlivened by the rush of it, and others who didn’t have a choice in the matter. There’s an an undeniable strength in each of those options, but let’s be honest… eating alone at a restaurant isn’t easy.
Why does the act of eating alone incite so much internal struggle within people, especially when it is a necessary evil for so many people who are new to an area, permanently or for travel? It seems like a relatively simple action — you choose a restaurant, enter the establishment, then enjoy a delicious meal and maybe a cocktail — but such a straightforward road can be fraught with peril. Where’s the best place to sit? Should you bring some form of entertainment? What do you do when the hostess asks the dreaded question “Is it just you tonight?”
With so many uncomfortable variables on the table, the question still stands: why bother?
To be frank, eating alone can be a power move. It’s a great way to confront your fears head-on, especially if your fears have anything to do with solitude (when social conventions would lead you to believe you must always have company). It’s an action that is motivated for yourself, by yourself; maybe you want to meet people, or you’d like to stay away from people… but either way, you want to enjoy some food without intermittent conversation ruining your bingeing! Once you master eating alone, you learn the power you have when it comes to getting yourself what you want, no matter the cost. You don’t need anyone else to enjoy fine cuisine, or to experience a new place. All you need is me, myself and I.
Have A Purpose
At times, you might eat alone out of necessity (picture yourself needing a quick bite to eat during a work trip) but your real power develops from the act of making a decision and truly sticking with it! One of the best ways you can establish a purpose is to make a restaurant reservation. Yes, that’s all! The action of calling a restaurant, or using an app that does it for you, makes the decisive statement that yes, i’m taking ownership of my situation and i’m doing it, for real! Plan your selfie-date for far in the future, if that’s what you feel you need in order to properly prepare. Then, mark it on your calendar and get ready to experience the unexpected wonder of being alone, but still having fun.
Choosing a Seat
Choosing a seat might be the most important decision you make when solo-dining at a restaurant, right after which restaurant you decide to visit! First, decide on a time to go — preferably not during the busiest hours, where the staff might reserve tables for larger parties (who will spend more money), and not too early, when the restaurant will be relatively empty. If you’re particularly nervous about this, it might be nice to go scope the restaurant out beforehand, to learn the lay of the land — in some restaurants, the bar is the cool place for people to eat alone. In others, the tables near the windows can easily inspire conversation with strangers. Some restaurants have a ‘singles corner’ where they place patrons who are dining alone. If that’s not your jam, speak up! Though the host or hostess might automatically take this matter into their own hands, you’re not completely powerless. Verbalize what you want in a thoughtful way and you’ll be amazed at how eagerly people can accommodate you. In fact, many solo-diners report that they are treated nicer by restaurant staff when dining alone!
People-Watching and Other Activities
If you’re wondering what people actually do when they’re dining alone, the answer is this: anything they want! That, to many people, is the appeal of eating alone; but it remains a huge unanswered question to others. I particularly enjoy bringing a book or kindle to a restaurant, then getting lost in another world. If you feel as though you’d like to get some work done, bring something simple that can keep your mind occupied. Don’t waste your time shaming yourself about using your phone at the table, either. This is the best time to get some uninterrupted instagramming done!
All of the previously mentioned activities take you pretty far from the present moment, so many prefer to simply people-watch. People-watching is when you observe random people in their daily lives, in a kind and nonjudgemental manner. You are the observer to their human experience, like in a hauntingly beautiful movie or a painting. People will often impress you, and you can make some interesting assessments and realizations about humanity in this way! Something else that can keep you entirely present is ‘mindful eating’. To eat mindfully, you are fully experiencing your food and all the smells, tastes, flavors and textures that it has to share with you. Use your solo dining experience as a way to fully experience your food, the way it was meant to be enjoyed.
Try to Make Connection, If That’s What You Want
There are ways to open yourself to conversation and signal to the people around you “let’s have a conversation!” If this is your goal, take a look at your body language and see what message you’re silently communicating to everyone around you. A person who is sitting up straight and facing outwards is a lot more welcoming than a person hunched over the bar! Though the bar is the typically the go-to hangout for people seeking to talk to other people, you don’t have to limit yourself there. You can chat with your waiter or waitress to have some company, while keeping expectations low.
You can also use friend-finding apps like Panion to find a dining-partner before you go — in this case, you’re not truly “dining solo,” but eating with a new friend has its own myriad of benefits! No matter what your preference is, you’re bound to learn something new by going to a restaurant alone once in a while. If nothing else, you get to eat some tasty food — no cooking or dishes required!
