Deep within the bright coastal oceans, there exists a critter known as the decorator crab. This delightful fellow scurries across the Caribbean seabed, collecting debris to place upon the back of its shell. It’s all gangly orange legs and unblinking, black eyes peeking out from behind a tactful arrangement of seaweed, corals and shell fragments — the decorator crab is trying to camouflage itself from any potential predators, but it’s cute to think that it’s trying to design a shell that is representative of its own personal style; a perfect representation of ‘who’ that crab is. In that way, the decorator crab is not unlike the sapient humans that live high up on the dry shoreline.
There are infinite labels and institutions that humans use to describe who we are. We begin collecting these from birth and grow to be painstakingly decisive about which of our innate qualities we nurture and which we try to quell. From our education and career, to the food we eat and the establishments we frequent, every elective decision we make for ourselves is a statement about who we are and the person we wish to be. We advertise this personal brand through our clothes, our body language and our hair cuts, the music we listen, the way we speak, how we conduct our lives and all things in-between. These all weave together to create a person that, with any luck, we can be proud of.
So what happens when you want to refresh and reinvent yourself, after years of investing in this person who is you — or what about when you find yourself in a new city, without the aegis of your past to contextualize and give reason for your existence? It’s all new and exciting, but undeniably frightening. The decision to bring your reality closer in alignment to who you want to be (or know yourself to be) is a big one, possibly the biggest decision you can ever make, so congratulations for taking control of life’s many variables.
It’s the most efficient way to reinvent yourself: to move away from home, to a new town, state, country or continent. Perhaps one day we’ll be able to jump planets completely. Your gut and intuition will tell you exactly how much distance you need in order to make space for your rebirth.
No matter why or how you found yourself in a new city, consider it a gift. It’s an incredible opportunity to determine who you are — or, at least, who you would want to be if you had absolutely no limitations. That’s no hyperbole: by moving, you did what so many people are paralyzingly fearful of. Draw strength from this and know you are, truthfully, limitless! With this energy and opportunity before you, muse upon your ideal self, and then thing about the barriers that keep you from that person. List them, then make the conscious decision to change them. It’s fully within your power.
But how?
To reinvent yourself, you must design yourself to be the best you can be. Every choice has the power to push you down an alternative career path, into a new relationship, or around a different group of people, which is an appealing idea to some. Making the decision is easy, but the reality can be much more difficult. Reinventing yourself also means learning to embrace discomfort, because they are many more parts of our lives that we cannot control. Moving to a new city exposes you to new situations, which then reveal parts of yourself that you have never seen. You can’t control the people you meet, or the things that happen to you, and it’s not always a comfortable experience — but if discomfort is the cause, then personal growth is the effect.
But, as we know, it’s not all totally random.
Go back to picturing your ideal self, but now define the changes you’d like to see and build a roadmap to get to those goals. Some people have a difficult time picturing their goals, and simply feel lost. They know they need a change, but they don’t know where and they don’t know how. Yoga and meditation are great remedies for this. These practices are designed to strip a person of their egos and labels so that they become comfortable with the person underneath. Learning to love solitude functions the same way, by forcing you to answer the question “Who am I, when no one is around?” When you become comfortable with yourself, the ‘real’ you is more easily recognized and expressed to others.
It’s also possible to find yourself while getting lost. Literally, lost! If you are unfamiliar with your new home, go out into the streets and try figure it out. This does not have to be stressful; in fact, it can be totally fun when done safely. Follow your pleasures and the things that resonate with you. Wander down the unique streets that call your name, and find all of your new favorite places, from yoga studios to cafes and even grocery stores. These are the things that make an area unique, and allows you to form a connection — and identity— with the place.
Once you fall in love with your city, then develop habits and create a routine. Do these things you enjoy often and you will become a ‘regular’ at all your new favorite places. Best selling Author Charles Duhigg said once that moving is the best time to make new habits, so identify what you want and then make a habit of earning it every single day.
There’s an unfortunate misconception that the thing that changes you about moving is, well, moving. Even though your city changes, it doesn’t mean that you will also change automatically — after all, habits do die hard. You can’t run away from your problems or the parts of you that you wish you change, but you can discover new parts of yourself. That’s exactly what moving is: an opportunity, not an answer. It’s an opportunity to learn about your new potential, but it is not your potential itself. In order to do this, you must make the changes.
Changes that only exist in your mind are simply ideas, and ideas don’t hold much value when it comes to self-worth. Here are a few mind-expanding things you can do today you move you in the direction of your new life: Enter a job in a new niche. Spend time with people who are different than you. Try the things that scare you. Learn a new language. Go see something new every day. Explore your city like a tourist. Some people even like to pick out a new nickname and request that their peers use it, even though it might be strange at first.
One of the key factors to successfully reinventing yourself is finding a community. Though your new life will certainly be busy with all the responsibilities of moving and beginning a new job, keep some time free for recreation and friendship. By spending time in the places you enjoy (or at work), you will build rapport with the employees and other patrons — at first you will likely be approaching semi-strangers, which can seem invasive, but people are generally flattered that you want to be their friend. Not everyone will be a winner, so just refine as you go. Invite your new friends to invite their friends, and hopefully you’ll find a person with whom you have a lot in common.
When The Past Isn’t The Past
Once there as a time that a person could disappear completely. They could board a plane, head off to a foreign destination and never be seen or heard from again. Nowadays, with the advent of social media and the internet, completely going incognito is almost impossible. People are able to keep their eye on you, although social media is limited to what you want to show people. It can be hard when people mention how much you have changed, or ask why you made these decisions — face these people with generosity and understanding. It is likely that they are simply curious by a person with the strength to reinvent themselves, and they was to get to know the new ‘you’ better.
It is up to you if you want to stay in contact with the people and family from your past, but this is also an opportunity to become a leader. Don’t be ashamed of the changes you’ve made! It’s okay to show off and inspire other people, as long as you don’t hide your struggle. In the same way, you must be patient and loving with with yourself. It is said that comparison in the thief of joy, so don’t throw away all the potential happiness you have earned because life isn’t perfect. If you are in the right mindset, you can appreciate your new life for what is it (and not all the things it isn’t). Remember, you are doing the best you can, and that is enough.
When focusing on long-term changes such as reinventing oneself, it’s a fun idea to track your progress. Some people like to write themselves an email about their motivations, and delay it to send 6 months in the future. Instagram is a very visual way to record how your life and personal brand shift, although some people prefer the traditional paper-and-pen diary. When you regularly keep track of the changes in your life, no matter how minute, it’s astonishing to go back and see how different you have become… often without even noticing. You’ll also notice that you’re always in the midst of change, interminably flowing and improving and growing stronger.
Even if you achieve your goals here, don’t worry, you’ll never be stagnant again.
“The person you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces and material things. Choose you over everything.” — unknown
Leave a Reply